When people I really care about mention for the first time that I’m one of their best friends
HAHAHA HOLY SHIT WE WERE LOOKING AT PICTURES OF SURGERIES IN CLASS AND ALL THE GUYS WERE HOOTING AT THE SLICED BREAST ONES AND THEN THE TEACHER SWITCHED TO A PENIS PIC WHERE IT WAS CUT OPEN AND SOME 300LB JOCK DOUCHEBAG FAINTED RIGHT OUT OF HIS CHAIR BOYS ARE WEAK BOYS ARE FUCKING WEAK
you mean to tell me
that there was a god damn CUT OPEN BOOB
AND BOYS WERE STILL SEXUALISING IT
FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING FUCK DOES NO ONE SEE HOW FUCKED UP THIS IS
today in science class we were talking about thunderstorms and we looked out the window and there was a storm in the distance so i quietly whispered “the oncoming storm” and the kid behind me banged his knee on the desk and choked i think i have found my soulmate
this wasn’t supposed to get any notes omg
i ship it
We are dating
Found out last night that for months, angry customers have been tweeting at my fake parody airline account, United Airlanes, to complain about their experiences with United Airlines.
God has given me a great, beautiful funnel through which angry people flow in the worst possible mood.
how does one tell a boy that one likes him
I am a boy and have a foolproof plan for this:
- text them and start playing one of those 20q games
- if they start being a dodgy fella drop em
- if they ask “You like anyone?”
reply Yeah, you.
- If they give you a negative reply sayin they dont like you back then just correct yourself to “*Yeah, you?”
dude that is genius
slow clappin’ it out.
Nobody scares me more than drunk white men in numbers.
Really? ‘Cause I’m pretty fucking scared of nazis.
They’re drunk on power and wiener schnitzel
Funny how no one caught that Nazis WERE drunk white men in numbers almost half their military careers (particularly those running the “work” camps during WWII)
Yeah, that’s reasonably accurate.
It says a lot about me that it makes me laugh more than most things.
which way does a cyclops wing their eyeliner
tumblr user greenhoused is asking the real questions
It doesn’t matter, because Nobody is going to criticize their makeup.
WAS THAT A MOTHER FRACKING ODYSSEY PUN
REASONS TO LOVE PROFESSOR MINERVA MCGONAGALL